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![In Relationships How does one take of care of themselves without burning out?](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-5.jpg)
In Relationships
How does one
take of care
of themselves
without burning
out?
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![Quality Self-Care Practices are key to sustaining a life of giving to others](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-6.jpg)
Quality Self-Care Practices are key to sustaining a life of giving
to others
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![What quality is more important for creating an Extraordinary Life: Happiness or Meaning](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-7.jpg)
What quality is more important for creating an Extraordinary Life:
Happiness
or
Meaning
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![From observing many people in the concentration camps, I've concluded](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-8.jpg)
From observing many people in the concentration camps, I've concluded that
the difference between those who lived and those who died came down to one thing:
Meaning
Viktor Frankl
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![Research has shown that having purpose and meaning in life](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-9.jpg)
Research has shown that having purpose and meaning in life increases
overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency, enhances self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression.
Pew Research
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![It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." Viktor Franklin](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-10.jpg)
It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness."
Viktor Franklin
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![For no matter what we achieve, if we don’t spend](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-11.jpg)
For no matter what we achieve, if we don’t spend the
vast majority of our time with people we love and respect, we cannot possibly have a great life.
If we spend our time with people we love and respect, people we really enjoy, then we will almost certainly have a great life.
Jim Collins
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![21st Century Skills Total Person Development , before/instead of incarceration](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-12.jpg)
21st Century Skills
Total Person Development
,
before/instead of incarceration
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![Empathy is more Effective than Pain Medication https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqbUQulGbOU](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-13.jpg)
Empathy is more Effective
than Pain Medication
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqbUQulGbOU
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![Exercise 1 - Getting beyond judgment Observation -(An NVC Observation)](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-16.jpg)
Exercise 1 - Getting beyond judgment
Observation -(An NVC Observation) – What
we see or hear
without any evaluation
Judgment – Thinking that implies someone should or should not
have behaved in a certain way –
i.e. was wrong in some way or another.
Directions: Take turns reading the statements. Imagine the speaker
is angry. After each statement is made, make a choice -
OBSERVATION or JUDGMENT
Discuss your choices and move on when in agreement.
She was looking at me and said, “Some people are just idiots!”
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![Exercise 2 - The purpose of Feelings – Pointing us](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-21.jpg)
Exercise 2 - The purpose of Feelings – Pointing us to
Needs
Lunch date Exercise – Using the Feelings & Needs List
Situation (Observation) My Thoughts My Feelings My Needs
I left Bob a voicemail He’s Angry Afraid / Concerned Connection
last night and sent two texts
This morning
_______________ 1.
2:00 PM – No Response Bob
From Bob , No messages
2.
3.
4.
5.
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![](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-22.jpg)
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![Exercise 2 - The purpose of Feelings – Pointing us](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-23.jpg)
Exercise 2 - The purpose of Feelings – Pointing us to
Needs
Lunch date Exercise – Using the Feelings & Needs List
Situation (Observation) My Thoughts My Feelings My Needs
Bob said “12pm lunch He’s Rude Irritated / Annoyed Consideration
Is ok at Tobey’s Grill
_______________ 1. He' disrespecting me Hurt Respect
12:25 PM – No Bob
No messages
2. Is he OK? Worry/Fear Safety
3. He's a pain. Relieved Peace
4. I can relax. Happy Fun
5. I hope he likes my idea Nervous To Matter
Competence
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![Components of Empathy PROVIDE THE SPEAKER WITH YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-26.jpg)
Components of Empathy
PROVIDE THE SPEAKER WITH YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION - PRESENCE
BE
NON-JUDGMENTAL.
READ THE SPEAKER. OBSERVE THE EMOTIONS BEHIND THE WORDS.
FOCUS ON REFLECTING BACK WHAT THE PERSON SAYS USING THEIR FEELINGS AND NEEDS UNTIL YOU SEE A PHYSICAL SHIFT
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![Exercise 3: What stops Empathy? Fix it: “What will help](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-27.jpg)
Exercise 3: What stops Empathy?
Fix it: “What will help is….”
Advise:
“I think you should…..”
Being Right - Correcting: “That’s not how it was……”
Taking the Blame: “Sorry, I wish…
Interrogate: “How did it happen?”
Explain: “She said that because…”
Shut Down: “Don’t worry about it.”
Sympathize: “You poor thing. I feel awful for you.”
Evaluate: “If you hadn’t been so rude…”
Console: “It wasn’t your fault”
One Up: “You should hear what happened to…. Educate: “You can learn from this…”
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![Build trust with those who can help you create a](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-28.jpg)
Build trust with those who can help you create a reflection
/ feedback system. Remember, any successful feedback system is built on empathy and the idea that we're all in this together.
Ed Catmull
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![Empathy in Action](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-29.jpg)
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![Feelings List: When Needs are met & unmet](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-30.jpg)
Feelings List: When Needs are met & unmet
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![Feelings List: When Needs are met & unmet](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-31.jpg)
Feelings List: When Needs are met & unmet
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![Exercise 1/4 – The Empathy Process: Partner Exercise There is](/_ipx/f_webp&q_80&fit_contain&s_1440x1080/imagesDir/jpg/4193/slide-35.jpg)
Exercise 1/4 – The Empathy Process: Partner Exercise
There is one talker
and one listener
Pause & breathe. The listener seeks to be fully present and a witness to your partner’s experience.
If you use words – reflect back the feelings and needs you hear.
Stay with the person fully until you see or feel a body change, relaxation or release
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